


His Worst Nightmare

by beatleing



Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: AU-Post HA, Eventual Romelza, F/M, Ross is dreaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 10:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12252159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatleing/pseuds/beatleing
Summary: In a stormy night, Ross is haunted by dreams of his wife with other men, and the different paths her life could have taken. Eventually a Romelza story at the end, but Ross will be a secondary character until then, as Demelza takes the front stage.





	1. FRANCIS

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by Ladymadchan

 

_‘’ee came to see Mister Ross?’_ – She asked as soon as she opened the door. Demelza was busy cleaning the floor in the kitchen when she heard the knock on the front door. She called for Prudie and then for Jud but there was nobody in the house. She unsuccessfully tried to wipe the dirt from her apron and her skirt as she went to the door and opened it without ceremony.

_‘Yes.’_  Francis was taking off his hat when a pair of bright eyes caught sight of him. She must be the brat Ross picked up from Redruth Fair… the one he thought he was a boy.

_‘Mister Ross ‘s at the mine.’_ \- Demelza said pursing her red lips. She had been eating a few strawberries that Prudie had saved from her pickings to do a tart. But the old lady had already eaten half of the basket, so she thought nobody would notice it if she ate a few more too.

_‘Oh. Will he be gone for long?’_. All Francis Poldark got as an answer was a raise of her hands and shoulders. Maybe he could go to Leisure himself to look for Ross there. But something about his hostess amused him and he was not in such a hurry. _‘May I wait for him here?... Demelza? Is that your name?’_

_‘I sur.’_ He doubted what to do. Should he come in? Or she was confirming that her name was Demelza? She clumsily stepped aside and made a gesture for him to enter and Francis had to hold back a laugh when he passed by her side and she tried to curtsey to him.

_‘Do ‘ee want for some refreshment?’_ She asked timidly while he looked around his cousin’s parlour, choosing a place where to sit.

_‘If that is not too much trouble.’_ He replied. He settled in one of the armchairs near the hearth. This time he couldn´t contain the smile that tingled on his lips when she curtsied to him again and turned to leave.  She was wearing a dirty purple skirt and an enormous shirt that fell from her shoulders and a raggy old apron tied to her slender waist. Her hair, he had never seen her hair, he realized. Her hair was the colour of copper shining under the sun fighting to escape the old fabric with which she had tied it up.

_‘Demelza’_ –He couldn’t help calling her.

_‘Yes sur?’_ She said getting back into the room.

_‘You’re supposed to take my hat.’_ He grabbed his top hat with both hands and held it in front of him, at the same height of his face.

Demelza looked at her feet immediately and walked to him without looking up but when she was in front of him she noticed that he was smiling. She tried to take the hat from his hands but he resisted giving it to her and laughed, and by trying to pull harder she accidentally touched his fingers with hers and he let go the hat. Demelza stumbled a few steps behind and when she looked at him again he was still smiling, so she smiled him back.

 

* * *

 

He felt dizzy. Somewhere in the distance he could hear two people were talking, a man and a woman, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. He sensed another noise, this time nearer him, in the same room. Someone was moving around him. He tried to open his eyes and say something but an excruciating pain appeared in his throat and he choked.

A hand touched him then, pressing in the place that pained him. _‘Shhh… don’t move Mister Francis’_ said the voice, _‘’ee must stay still until the doctor comes’_. It all came back to him in a second. Verity, Blamey, Ross’ betrayal, the duel. Had he killed the bastard?. He opened his eyes and looked about. He was in old Uncle Joshua’s bedroom. He then looked to the curious blue eyes of his nurse. She was looking intensely at him while she kept pressing a cloth against his neck. She looked worried and charming. Her round face appeared to catch all the light from the room, or maybe he was just hallucinating from the pain. He smiled at her again. He couldn’t help doing it every time he was near her. And apparently she couldn’t help smiling back.

_‘De…za’_ His voice was hoarse, and the sound drowned before it reached his lips. He raised a hand and took her wrist. She didn’t flinch but went to touch his hair to soothe him with her free hand. Francis closed his eyes again and recognized the voices coming from downstairs. The man was Ross, the woman was his own fiance, Elizabeth. Demelza kept stroking his hair, he could lay there forever. He definitely was hallucinating.

He blinked again, and reached for the forearm across his face in front of him and brought it to his lips, he kissed the back of her hand, and this time Demelza did move and stood up. Before he could manage to say something the door was open and his cousin came in followed by Elizabeth.

_‘Oh! You are awake.’_ She said, and he thought to noticed a glint of disappointment in her words.

She sat next to the bed in a chair that Ross placed behind her and grabbed his hand. She told him how worried they all have been and Ross scolded him for being so reckless. He didn’t pay them much attention. His eyes were fixed in the girl moving around the room carrying bandages and buckets of water in her hands. Her clothes were stained with blood, and she looked at him once in awhile over the head of his cousin with what?… concern?

 

* * *

 

The next time he saw her was at the opening of Wheal Leisure. He had no intention of seeing Ross after Verity's scandal, but his father wanted him to go. And the prospect of seeing Demelza again excited him. He had to thank her for what she had done for him. He remembered the complicit looks that she gave him while Elizabeth and Ross were there. It seemed to him that she was the only one who cared for him, the other two distracted talking to each other. She brought him water and helped him to drink it. Then she announced Choake had finally arrived and she had stayed in the room while the doctor checked him in case he needed anything.

Then, they had carried him back to tedious Trenwith, where he didn’t have a cute kitchen maid to attend him. Only Elizabeth came from time to time, eagerly to tell him about the news of the newly open mine.

They stood looking from up the horses in the distance while Ross gave his speech. He presumed his father wanted him to learn from his cousin how to run the family business. He’d learn faster if Charles weren’t all the time hovering over him. It mattered little to him, what he cared about was the girl he just spotted in the middle of the crowd, unmistakable with her red hair and yellow gown, he could have spotted her from miles away.

He said to his father he would stay for a moment longer, that he would go to speak with Ross. But his cousin was rather busy with his investors and the miners. He didn’t notice him going after Demelza who was carrying a basket full of jars and a tray in the other hand. He called her on the way down the cove, when they had distanced themselves sufficiently from the tumult of people. _‘Demelza!’_

She turned around, a smile on her face when she saw who it was.

_‘Mister Francis! How glad I am t’ see ‘ee well again.’_

Francis dismounted from the horse to hide his smile. He took the reins in one hand and continued on foot. _‘I’m glad to be well as well. Thanks to you I must add.’_

_‘Oh no, Mister Francis. I did nothing’, ‘twas Capt’n Ross who tended yur wound.’_

_‘He was the reason that I was shot in the first place.’_ He cut her bitingly.

_‘No! Mister Francis, Capt’n Poldark didn’t…’_

_‘Francis. Please. Call me Francis.’_ Her cheeks flushed and she looked away from him to the sea.

_‘May I help you with these.’_ He said trying to take the basket from her hands. But Demelza turned her body and went out of his reach.

_‘No.’_ She said laughing. _‘Tis not proper.’_

_‘It’s the least I can do after what you did for me.’_ She pursed her lips and closed one eye like she was thinking. _‘Here, ‘ee can carry this.’_ She said and gave him the tray.

Then she turned to continue on her way and Francis stood for a moment with a silver tray in his hand, his horse on the other and watched her walk away. This is madness, he thought.

He put the tray in the saddle of his horse and walked behind her. They reached the shore and Demelza bent down to take off her shoes. She was singing, muttering a song that only she could hear, and him. After a few steps of struggling on the sand with his boots he interrupted her: _‘There’s a path over the cliffs that’s easier to walk, you know?’_

_‘Tis is a shortcut. Ey! That’s cheating!’_ -She blurted smiling when she saw he wasn’t carrying the tray. _‘I would have give ‘ee the basket if I knew ‘ee were goin’ t’ do that.’_

_‘You can still give it to me.’- ’Mmm… no. ‘Ee have no way t’ tie it.’_

_‘He can carry you both. He’s a strong boy.’_ He said patting his horse.

Demelza was delighted. She had never been on a horse alone before. She had mounted with Captain Poldark a few times, but not alone. And not on the beach. Francis still guided the horse by the reins while she balanced with her cargo up the horse. She started to sing again, and suddenly Francis stopped to take off his boots cursing to the sand.

_‘Ee have t’ take more walks by the beach Mister Francis, it will be good for ‘ee.’_   She teased him looking at him seating in the sand.

You will be good for me. He thought but did not say.

They reached the other end of the beach laughing and singing together. Francis had started to sing the songs Demelza sang in his family’s voices, and Demelza had made up a few just to hear him try to remember the words.

_‘I’m afraid I must leave you here.’_ He said panting and pointing ahead - _‘The horse can’t go up that moor.’_

He helped her came down, grabbing her by the waist and he took a little longer than it was appropriate to release her when her feet touched the ground.

_‘Well, thank ‘ee so much Mister Francis.’_ Demelza said to him lifting her basket and tray again.

_‘Francis. Just Francis.’_

She looked at him with narrowed eyes. _‘It won’t be proper, Sir.’_

_‘Oh, that’s even worst. Tell you what, why don’t you call me Francis when we’re alone? That way only you and I would know.’_

She took her time to answer. Time enough for Francis to think of what he had actually asked her because she took so long to respond.

_‘Thank ‘ee, Francis, for helping me.’_ She said at last. And turned to leave.

_‘Demelza! May I… may I see you again?’_

_‘I’ll be at Nampara…’_

_‘No. I mean… see you, alone. Here, perhaps.’_

She didn’t take too much time to think this time. She nodded and whispered _‘Yes, Francis.’_

He took her free hand and gently kissed it. She was red from neck to hair and he realized he must be too, from neck to hat.

 

* * *

 

They had agreed to meet again in a week time, in the early afternoon. That way Demelza could have finished attending Ross’s lunch and cleaning the dishes and it was the time of the day in which Jud and Prudie used to disappear, leaving her with all the chores. But she had anticipated and had stayed up the night before sweeping the floors, and this morning she had made a larger amount of stew than usual. She had washed her hair at sunrise, she figured that if Mister Ross liked her clean, his cousin would like it too.

When she arrived at the beach Francis was already there.  He was barefooted and only had his waistcoat over a pale shirt. His breeches were rolled up to his knees.

_‘You are late miss.’_ He said when she reached his side. _‘I’ve been waiting for hours, perhaps your plan was to leave me here to roast under the sun and then take me as dinner for my cousin’_ He mocked her.

_‘It haven’t been hours. And besides, Capt’n Poldark doesn’t like hard meat.’_

_‘Ha!’_ He laughed and bent to kiss her cheek. _‘Hello Miss Demelza’_

_‘Hello Francis’_ she whispered near his ear. _‘I brought something for ‘ee.’_

They ate the tart Demelza had made for him sheltered from the sun behind a big rock. The girl was beautiful that he already knew. But she was also funny and witty and she enjoyed his jokes and laughed with him. And he dearly enjoyed to hear her sing. He could be young and free with her, with no responsibilities or burdens on his shoulders. He could take them off when he was with her. It occurred to him that if he could share these little moments of contentment with her every day his life wouldn’t be so dull.

It was madness. His father would disinherit him. Or better yet, banish him and never speak to him again. It wouldn’t last him long. After all, he was his only male heir. If he didn’t want him at Trenwith they could live in one of their cottages on the edge of the estate. There were some that were pretty decent. And the old man wouldn’t live forever as he seemed to think. And then he could go back with Demelza to his house. Yes, he would do it, damnation to all.

He kissed her in their third date, full on those lovely red lips. She grasped the arms of his shirt and kissed him back. But then, when they were gasping and their foreheads were pressed together, she told him she couldn’t see him anymore.

_‘Tis no proper, ‘ee are to be married with Miss Elizabeth.’_

_‘I want to marry you.’_ He told her breathing her in, his eyes still closed.

Demelza gave a step back but he took both of her hands and brought them to his lips. _‘I want to marry you.’_ He said again, _‘We could be like this always, happy and content. I can give you a home…’_

_‘Mister Ross…’_ Demelza tried to say.

_‘A home of your own. To do as you please, to do what we want. Do you not want that? Do you not want me?’_

_‘Tis not that Francis. But I… I have an obligation with Mister Ross. Tis not my place t’ say… And ‘ee will have to break your promise to Miss Elizabeth…’_

He smirked ironically, _‘Believe me, there will be two people very pleased with that. Ross will be delighted to have her back. So please don’t be concerned about that. But you, my sweet Demelza, do you want to marry me?’_

Demelza kissed him grabbing the lapels of his vest – _‘Yes Francis, yes I want to.’_

 

* * *

 

Francis was beyond himself. He discovered that his life was not complete until he kissed her for the first time, and the second, and the third. He wanted to do it forever. They walked hand in hand back to Nampara, laughing and making silly plans for their future household. Demelza had asked him to speak with his cousin and ask his permission. She could not go if he refused. He was her master. But Francis reassured her that Ross wouldn’t deny his consent, more likely he was going to be elated that Elizabeth could be his again. While walking through the last meadow before arriving at the house Francis began to imagine that the four of them could be married on the same day. They could have a big celebration as had never been seen in the county. Two cousins, two beautiful brides, everyone would rejoice in their happiness.

Demelza was the one who knocked at the door of the library. She waited for Ross to tell her to come in.

_‘Yes Demelza?’_

_‘Mister Francis is here t’ see ‘ee sur.’_ She said and he raised his gaze from the mining books to the man that was standing near the entrance.

_‘Francis.’_ – he exclaimed surprised and stood up to welcome him.

_‘Cousin!’_ Francis gave him a quick hug patting his back. Then he took him by the shoulders and gave them a squeeze. _‘I have the greatest of news.’_ He released him and took Demelza’s hand.

_‘We’ve come to ask for your blessing.’_

Ross didn’t understand what was happening. His face transfixed when he looked down to their holding hands.

_‘What’s the meaning of this?’_

_‘Ross, I’ve come to ask for Demelza’s hand.’_ Francis said happily without noticing the sullen voice of his cousin.

_‘Have you lost your mind?!’_ Ross blurted to Demelza after a moment of incredulity.

_‘Ross,’_ – Francis continued – _‘we’re in love, and is the best for everyone. Elizabeth is free, you can have her…’_

_‘I don’t want Elizabeth!’_

_‘But Ross… you love her.’_

_‘No. No. No!’_ He said untangling their hands and taking Demelza’s in his own.

_‘You will not do this, you will not marry my WIFE!’_

 

* * *

 

Ross stirred in his bed. The first winds of a storm began to strike against the windows. But he did not wake up. 

 


	2. DWIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Ladymadchan

It was an unusually sunny day in the middle of April. Demelza decided to take a walk about the cliffs near the lands of Nampara. She'd been living in this part of Cornwall for nearly four years; the little brat she was when she came she no longer was. Instead, there was a young woman, smart and curious, funny and sweet, who could read and write and who could take care of a household. She was content with what life had given her, beyond what she was born to, and undeserving of it after what she had done nearly a year ago. She had slept with her master then. What was she thinking? Risking it all in a moment of sorrow. She knew that's what he needed in that moment and it was what she wanted. The moment she was in his arms, she understood that was what she had wanted since the moment they met. And she could have gone with that, with only the memory of his lips on her but he had asked her to stay. She had run off the next day, after Mistress Poldark came to see him, his love, his forever lasting love. But he had gone after her and asked her to come back. He told her he would take care of her and he kept his word. She was no longer the kitchen maid but more of a housekeeper, no longer illiterate but at some level instructed. She no longer wore old rags but decent dresses.  She had food on the table and a roof over her head. Yes, he had taken care of her. He’d never again mentioned what happened between them.  She thought she could be content with her life and would take care of him until he was married. She would go, then.

Demelza heard the sound of the horses’ hoofs behind her.  A hand went to protect her eyes against the sun to see who was coming.

_‘Demelza!’_ she heard Ross’ voice before he dismounted – _‘I want you to meet someone…’_

The other rider came slowly down his horse and walked to them taking off his leather gloves. He was a young blonde and handsome man with gentle eyes. As he came closer Ross said:

_‘Demelza, meet my friend Doctor Dwight Enys.’_

_‘Oh, ‘twas you who mended his face?’_

_‘Your fame precedes you sir…’_ Ross said to his friend. Demelza had heard that story once, when the postman came to the house with a letter from America, Ross had told her from who it was.

_‘My infamy you mean. It's a pleasure to meet you ma’am’_ – Dwight said taking her hand and lightly kissing it.

Ross began to laugh, and Demelza went as red as her hair. Dwight raised his head, confused by the reaction of his old camarade.

_‘I'm not… he's not my…’_ Demelza muttered.

_‘Dwight, this is Demelza, she helps me with the house.’_

_‘Ohhh…’_ – Dwight said looking at Demelza and blushing himself a bit too – _‘I thought… I thought he’d be married by now Di… De…’_

_‘Demelza.’_ – she remembered him.

_‘Demelza. It is very nice to meet you too.’_

The color on Demelza’s cheeks went somewhat more reddish, but neither of the men said anything about it.

_‘Hope it’s not too much trouble to add another plate to the table.’_ Ross said to her, already walking in direction to his house.

 

* * *

 

Dwight was getting settled in his new cottage, an old building adjacent to the closest fields of Nampara land. He hadn't brought much with him, in honesty he didn't have much to bring, just his medical briefcase, a few books and no more than a change of clothes. His old friend had been most generous with him.  He had been offered the possibility of a job in a field he wanted to study. And also a house, that even when it was in need of repair was more comfortable than anything he could afford. His friend had also provided a warm welcome and introduced him to his tenants and miners.  He had also introduced him to Demelza, his housekeeper like he called her, and she had made him feel welcome as well. With a big smile and a cheerful spirit, she had cooked for them a delicious tart, well, actually for Ross.  He had arrived a few days ahead of schedule, and custard for dessert. He was contemplating the good fortune of his friend in having someone like Demelza in his life when he heard a voice outside his window.

_‘Garrick no! ‘tis are not for you. Get down! Go back to the house!’_

Dwight opened the door and stepped outside to find Demelza with her arms full of bed clothing, a basket precariously balancing on top and a dog energetically trying to reach whatever was inside.

_‘Demelza?’_

_‘Oh, hello Dr. Enys.’_ She greeted him jollily. _‘Tis be Garrick… Garrick no!’_ She leaped back when the dog, hearing his name, stood on his back legs and tried to lick her face. _‘What will Dr. Enys think of you mongrel?!’_

After Dwight helped her with the basket they went inside the cottage. Demelza quickly made herself busy and moved around the place with a confidence familiarity, lighting candles and stirring the fire in the hearth, dusting curtains and wiping furniture.

_‘Tis was supposed to be ready when you’d arrive.  I'm afraid you took me by surprise.’_

Dwight realized that she must have prepared the cottage for him when he noticed a jar with flowers on the table.

_‘Did you make this?’_ He asked pointing at them.

_‘Oh yes.’_ She said distracted emptying the content of the basket over the table. _‘I like flowers, so I thought it would cheer the place while I was working here.’_

_‘Cornflowers are my favorite. They don't grow in America.’_

_‘You’ve been gone for long Doctor?’_

_‘Please, call me Dwight. Nearly six years, I left for war as soon as I’d finished my studies. And you? Have you been here long?’_

_‘My whole life! Well, not here. I'm from Illugan. Seems another world entirely though it is not so very far from here. I’ve been in Nampara for four years now…’_

_‘I have to apologize again for what I said earlier, I imagined…’_

_‘Oh, don't you worry, Dwight, people say worse things…’_ she said absently - _'I've brought you supper, and a bottle of ale, I believe Mister Ross won't mind, if he does just help me hold my ground when I say Jud took it. And some apples. It will be enough for tonight, I'll fetch ‘ee something else tomorrow.’_

_‘More than enough.’_ He gasped, touched by her sweet gestures. _‘I thank you Demelza. I'd never have such a warmer welcome.’_

 

* * *

 

Demelza proved herself to be of great help for Dwight, not just with the necessities of the house but with his work as well. Being a stranger, the villagers didn't trust him enough to share with him the pains that ailed them.  No matter how many times Ross told them and sent them to him for a check up on them.  Cornish people were mistrustful of foreigners. But Demelza was not a stranger to them, and she had the confidence of someone more important for a miner than their boss: their wives. Slowly, and one by one in most cases she talked the women into sending their husbands to the doctor and to speak truthfully about their afflictions.  Soon Dwight had more patients than he ever have in his whole career. And not just miners but women and children too. And this was where Demelza had to help him again.  Because being that he’d only treated mostly male patients when he was at university and then only soldiers, he lacked the tact and sometimes even the knowledge to treat women. Or to be around them.

He could say that both him and Demelza both learned from each other. He’d shared with her his medical knowledge and she with him the ability to make people trust him and be properly mannered around them. He thought her remarkable. For a girl without early education, she could read and write like any high born lady.  And she was always curious and adamant to learn about the nature of the body. Nature, he had discovered, what was she was most interested. Flora and fauna. His little cottage was soon filled with flowers and Garrick spent more time in his house than he did at Nampara.

_‘Stay here to keep company for Dwight.’_ She used to command to the dog from time to time, when she noticed he was weary or a storm was coming. He didn't realize when he started wishing she would stay too.

 

* * *

 

Demelza had already told him the story of Jim Carter so he wasn't at a loss when Ross asked him to ride with him to Bodmin to attend him.  He wasn’t prepared for the terrible condition they found in the derelict prison, human beings treated worst than animals.  No matter the crime they committed, it would have been better if they were dead than living in that hell. He'd never seen anything like it, not even in the war.

They had managed to find Jim, or what it was left of him, and he’d helped him escape from jail. Surely he could be hung for it but in the moment he didn't care.  It was impossible to leave a friend there, even if he didn't know him himself.  He was Ross' friend and Jinny's husband…

 

Back at Nampara, Demelza was all anxiety. Captain Poldark and Dwight had gone for more than a day. Prudie and Jud were not talking to her since the morning. They had already been at the receiving end of Demelza's harsh tongue when she had a temper and knew better than to cross her so they had gone to bed early. She’d already done all her chores, tried to occupy her mind with a book Dwight had given her, started the dough for the next day but nothing worked against her worry.

Around midnight she heard the sound of the horses approaching and a moment later Ross’ grim figure was in the house. Dressed with only his breeches and coat, he had lost his shirt and waistcoat.

_‘Sir! What happened?’_ – but Ross was hardly listening and went straight to the bottle of rum. _‘How is Jim?... and where is Dwight?!’_

As she finished speaking Dwight appeared at the door looking as bad as Ross, his hair all disheveled, covered in dirt and dry blood, his eyes red from tears and lack of sleep.

_‘Demelza…’_ he barely whispered and she couldn't help it.  She almost ran to him and threw her arms around his shoulders. He held her for a moment, smelt her hair, his hand holding tight to her back and the other quickly smoothed her head. Too soon he released her with a gentle brush of his lips on her temple. He saw Ross watching them over his glass. Dwight grabbed her elbow and held her at arm length.

_‘What happened?’_ she asked again and he told her about Jim and what they had done.

He squeezed her hand when she started sobbing for Jinny.

_‘I have to go.’_ – he said after refusing a glass of alcohol that Ross offered him. He had never seen his friend like that.  He knew Ross was a man of strong character but he’d not seen him with a mood like that before.  He had hardly spoken on the way back and for a brief moment he hesitated in leaving Demelza alone with him. But she seemed not to notice or was used to it and was already busy preparing his meal. She gave him a sad smile when he left after insisting that he eat something first, but he wanted to be alone or at least to be apart from Ross after such a gloomy venture.

 

* * *

 

Demelza waited a couple of hours before going to Dwight's cottage. She had sent Garrick with him planning not to have the dog around her when she’d get out of the house. Ross was a long while asleep and Dwight's home was not far.  She had no fear wandering around in the middle of the night.  After all this was Nampara land and no one would dare to intrude so near the house in the middle of the evening.

Dwight was still awake when he heard a quiet knock on the door and the dog, startled, begun to scratch the door for him to open it.

Demelza fell in his arms once more and this time he didn't let her go.

_‘I was that worried.’_ She said after a while. _‘I thought they might keep you there too…’_

_‘Why would they keep me in there?’_ he asked still tired and shaken by the recent events.

_‘I don't know, oh Dwight, I was so worried.’_ She repeated, hugging him again and caressing the back of his neck with her fingertips.

They stood in the comfort of their embrace for quite some time.  Then slowly Demelza lowered her hand tracing his collarbone until she reached his chest, caressing the hair over his heart through the open shirt.

_‘This must stop Demelza. This coming here. Ross doesn't like it…’_

_‘Do you like it?’_ she asked timidly. Her forehead against his chin, his hand over hers feeling the rapid beating of his heart.

_‘I… I often wonder. How is it that there's nothing between you… You're so beautiful, so kind…’_

He brought tears to her eyes and Demelza tried to step away from him so he would not see.  But he still held her hand in his and she had to look up to him, to those tired and gentle blue eyes.

_‘There was something once,’_ she said shyly _‘one terrible night long ago, not much different to this one, when he needed consolation and I provided it for him…’_

Dwight remained quiet for a while. When he spoke again the weariness in his voice had gone.  It was replaced by curiosity and a spark of jealousy.

_‘Did you never again…?’_

_‘No.’_

_‘And do you not wish to console him now?’_

_‘No. Dwight, I wish to be here. I was so preoccupied for you today, it made me realize…’_

_‘Yes?’_ he gasped.

_‘Dwight… Kiss me?’_ -her voice was no more than a rustle - _‘Just the once.’_

_‘Oh Demelza, you and I know it would not be just the once.’_

_‘Would that matter?’_

_‘What matters is where it would lead, because I don't think I'll be ever able to stop…’_

She kissed him lightly then, once. And then again.

 

As they both lay naked and embraced over the rug near the fire, he idly played with one of her red curls rolling it in his finger. Her head was over his chest kissing it from time to time.

_‘I don't have much to offer you.’_ He said, thinking of so many things and nothing at the same time.

_‘I have naught to offer you.’_ She said referring to the same unimportant things.

It was true. If they spoke of material possessions, but he found that it didn't matter to him. Nor that he wasn’t the first man she’d been with.

_‘There’s something that you can give me.’_ Demelza raised her head to look at him.

_‘Your heart.’_

_‘Sweet Dwight, that you have entirely.’_

 

* * *

 

Demelza came back home humming happily to herself. Her hand was yet in the latch of the door when she heard a voice coming from inside the parlour.

_‘Where have you been?’_

She immediately sensed the anger in his voice.

_‘I couldn't sleep, I was that worried… I thought taking a walk would help…’_

_‘How long have you been out?’_

_‘I… I don't know. About an hour?’_

_‘I waited three. You've been sleeping with Dwight, didn’t you? Are you his mistress?!’_ \- he advanced towards her.

_‘I am not!’_ In truth she wasn't. Dwight was going to go to Nampara in the first hour in the morning to speak with Ross and tell him. _‘I love him.’_

_‘You don't!’_ Demelza looked at him strangely, she didn't understand why he was so upset. _‘You don't, you hear me? You'll not abandon this house.’_ You'll not abandon me.

 

* * *

 

Ross said something unintelligible into his pillow, the blankets twisted around his waist, but the raindrops hitting the roof silenced his plea and no one was near to listen to him.

 

 


	3. MALCOM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross's nightmare continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Ladymadchan

Demelza could feel herself trembling. The air faltered to get to her lungs. The dress was very close-fitting, it was too tight on the chest, but loose at the waist. Ross had bought it for her for the Celebration Ball of’89. She had only worn it that one time. She looked at her reflection in one of the mirrors of the hallway of Werry House once more. She couldn’t believe that the woman staring at her and the one she felt inside her were the same person. One looked young and fair and comely. And the other, the one she felt within her, was raging and aching and desperate to tear the feeling of desolation and loss.

She took a deep breath. Avenging herself was the only way she could salve her own hurt. And she would, that night she would. “Let Ross deal with the consequences of his own actions, because this is his doing. This is his fault”- a delirious voice in her head said while going down the stairs. When she reached the ground floor a lackey came beside her and offered his arm to guide her to the ballroom, before opening the door he asked her who he should announce. _‘Miss Demelza’_ -she told him, but as she stayed behind him waiting for him to bow to her and let her in, he announced loudly _‘Mistress Demelza Poldark’_.

Everyone in the room turned to look at her. The women quickly went back to their chattery.  But most of the men kept their gaze on her for one or two more moments; their eyes sparkling under the candlelights. A few of them approached her and offered their hands to drive her into the room. Demelza took John Treneglos’, who she hadn't seen in years.  She smiled at him and to the others for she wasn't sure whom she would choose to achieve her goal.  She didn't want to discourage them so early in the evening.

They descended the remaining few steps and John led her into the ballroom. Demelza kept her hand in his as long as to be properly polite but then released him and walked with him behind her to an open window in the middle of the room. She smiled and bowed her head as she went by.  Men acknowledged her and raised their glasses and bowed when she looked at them. A gentle breeze from the outside reached her heated face and she tried to breathe it in.  She tried to let it cool her on her insides also.   She was heated by the warmth of so many people and so many candles in that place and by the way time seemed to linger for an instant, when everyone looked at her and she had nowhere to hide. No one to hide behind, no arm to grasp near.

John Treneglos was still standing next to her, _‘Why, mistress Poldark’_ he said while he stretched his arms towards a servant that passed in front of them carrying a tray full of glasses and handed her a glass of wine- _‘I believe it was arranged by the Providence.’_

_‘I doubt the Providence has the time for these banalities.’_ She said sipping a little bit of wine. It was warm and Demelza didn't like it. _‘How is Ruth? Is she here?’_ -she asked when he stopped laughing.

_‘Oh no. She's abed. Her time is due to come soon.’_

_‘Well, Miss Demelza! What a sight for sore eyes.’_ \- another man's voice exclaimed behind her.

_‘Oh, Sir Hugh!’_ She turned around and curtsied to the old host. He was walking to her with clumsy open arms as he was to hug her, but he grabbed her hand instead when he reached her side and kissed it.

It stirred her stomach to think about Sir Hugh Bodrugan touching her, the hand that he had on hers in another place, the lips now on her knuckles in her mouth. She quickly withdrew her hand, as if losing the contact with the man would erase the feeling of disgust. Yet, her face didn’t disclose her displeasure and Sir Hugh moved his hands to her shoulders.

_‘How glad I’m you've ventured to trust yourself to my care and left your husband by the fireside.’_

_‘Indeed I did, Sir. I decided 'twas not the weather for firesides. Or husbands!’_ – she replied playfully. Both of the men laughed. _‘You must introduce me to some of your friends Sir Hugh’_ , she said scanning to the room.

_‘I will Miss, I will. Though I fear you’ll not need my help to procure yourself good company.’_ He remarked grimly.

_‘Oh fear not Sir Hugh, you need not fear any competition.’_ Sir Hugh laughed louder this time and John Treneglos drank all the wine in his glass in one gulp and gestured for another.

 

* * *

 

Soon, Demelza was surrounded by flattering men. Dances were asked and promised, insinuating looks and kisses to her hand were given. She had responded with false laughs and naughty comments. She was hot, the air coming from the window was not enough and none of her admirers offered her something to drink.

Malcom McNeil had been talking with his comrades in the parlour of Werry House. The music was starting to sound louder from the ballroom when they decided to take their chances with some of the ladies. He caught sight of her as soon as he went through the door. She was in the middle of a group of men, obviously overheated by the look of her cheeks and the fan in her hand. He fully smiled and the other two soldiers looked at him in wonder, but he didn’t say anything to them for he was looking around searching for someone else. Ross Poldark was not in the room he just came from, and he couldn’t see him there either. The conclusion was obvious and also his resolution. He patted the back of one of his friends. _‘Come, I want to introduce to the reason why I’m extremely fond of this county.’_ -he said to them.

 

* * *

 

McNeil hurried across the room, pushing his way between the circle of men around her. Demelza felt a hand touched her back, but before she could turn her body a glass of port was presented in front of her. She knew who he was before seeing him. The red coat and the Scottish accent were unmistakable.

_‘Mistress Poldark! Well, damn it. Is it for me you're blushing?’_

Demelza looked startled for a moment but soon regained her composure. This was a fortunate encounter, McNeil being here.

_‘Damn it no, Captain. For I didn't know you were here.’_

The other men around them started to eye warily at the soldier, evidently displeased that he had seemed to catch all Demelza’s attention.

_‘Pray, gentlemen, give the lady some space. Can't you see she can barely catch her breath?’_ he told them and with the hand he still had on her back pushed her a little for her to get some space from them. Demelza heard the silly voice of John Treneglos complaining that he had the first dance, so she turned and smiled to all of them and said: _‘You can reclaim me presently, gentlemen.’_ -Then she graciously curtsied to them and went with McNeil.

The port was cool and refreshed her throat. She had needed the drink to steady her nerves before, but the familiar presence of McNeil seemed to relax her a bit. She knew him, more or less. They had seen each other on a few occasions, and talked alone in a couple of others. It was him who had told her about the engagement of George and Elizabeth, she wondered if he knew the engagement had been broken.

_‘So, you venture into these dangerous surroundings alone, Miss. Poldark? Where's the Captain?’_

_‘He's been called away on business.’_ She retorted sharply, but then added in a lighter tone: _‘But there's no danger at all. None when there's a brave soldier close by.’_

McNeil smiled at her and felt encouraged. This night of all nights, his last in British land before going to war, surely was a blessing from destiny. They had reached the back of the room where another two red coats were standing, glancing at the ladies and deciding who they would take for a dance.

_‘These are my two comrades, James MacDonald and Duncan Murray. She is Mistress Demelza Poldark.’_

Both of the young men bowed their heads and mumbled a _‘Ma’am’_.

_‘Duncan,’_ said Demelza, _‘was that not the name of one of the kings of Scotland?’_

_‘You’re very well informed on Scottish history, mistress Poldark.’_ Replied the young man in question.

_‘Oh. I hope Captain McNeil haven't given you the impression that I do naught but milk cows and feed pigs and tend babies and bake bread…’_

_‘Nothing of the sort, Miss Poldark, he speaks very highly of you.’_

Demelza looked teasingly to McNeil. _‘Well, I'm afraid that is mostly all I do, despite what he said, but I still have time to read!’_ Both of the soldiers laughed and McNeil, who was not that amused, moved his hand to her lower back possessively.

She could do this, Demelza thought. Be flirty and cheeky with these men who she didn't know and who didn't know her and yet seemed attracted to her just by seeing her. And McNeil, somehow she felt a stitch of pleasure when he lowered his hand and stood closer to her, when she looked at him and saw a glint of jealousy spark in his eyes. It flattered her more than anything he could say. And it tightened her heart that Ross never showed the slightest sign of worry when he would leave her alone when they went to parties and balls. But then, it was the other way around, wasn't it? She was the jealous one, he was the flattered. But not tonight, she would stop thinking of him for tonight.

_‘Please, call me Demelza.’_ She said deliberately to the soldiers and her words had the effect that she was looking for. McNeil swallowed the last content of his glass and gave it to one of his friends.

_‘May I have the favor of a dance?’_ he said to her, one hand still pressing her back and the other open in front of her for her to take it.

 

* * *

 

_‘I believe you are the dangerous creature, Miss Pol… May I call you Demelza as well?’_ McNeil said when they started dancing.

_‘I would prefer to, Captain McNeil.’_

_‘Its a beautiful name, Demelza, what does is it mean?’_

_‘An old gypsy once told me it means “Thy sweetness”’_

_‘That’s entirely proper… though I would prefer it be “My sweetness”’_

They talked every time the music brought them together, McNeil always reaching a bit closer than the steps of the dance required. When he had to touch her back he would press his fingers more tightly. If he had to grab her hand he would add a caress with his thumb on her knuckles. And he never stopped looking at her eyes.

Soon Demelza was heated again, the little jumps of the dance, the candle lights and so many people close to her had added a glow of sweat over her body. But she kept moving, swirling hand in hand with McNeil, the whole room spinning around her. The music suddenly stopped and she would have stumbled to the floor if he didn't catch her.

_‘I’m so hot I could faint.’_ She said when she could catch her breath.

_‘Tis fortunate that I’m here to catch you.’_

He kept his hand on her back once again and walked them near windows for she could take some air and drink another glass of port. The band was taking a break too. Demelza’s early admires came back to claim the promises of unfulfilled dances.

She was excusing herself saying that Captain McNeil was leaving for war in the morrow, therefore, all of them ought to give him a special consideration. In that moment the main door was opened and a couple came in through it. Demelza had her back to it so she didn't see who they were. She only heard the steward announce: _‘Captain Ross Poldark and Mistress Poldark.’_

Her mind didn't immediately make the connection. An instinct in her felt that she was being called. She was always the mistress named with Ross Poldark. So she turned around, expecting to find Ross waiting for her to go to him but instead, she saw Elizabeth. Elizabeth who was coming down to the ballroom; grabbing the arm of her husband. Elizabeth Poldark. Mistress Poldark.

Mistress Ross Poldark.

McNeil too turned to see the couple's arrival. He had never thought of Ross Poldark being an unintelligent man but right there he thought he was the stupidest man alive. Demelza leaned into him and he saw the look of desperation for the first time in the night. With a move of his head he called for his friends.  They had heard the name of the couple and wondered what was the relationship between those people and McNeil’s lovely friend?

He told them quickly under his breath to cover them.  To not  let Captain Poldark see Demelza until she had recovered. He took a few steps towards the open window, the men still surrounding them.

 

* * *

 

Ross grimaced when he saw so many people. God knows how Elizabeth convinced him to go. He examined the room while they were walking towards the table with drinks, too much people scattered here and there, chatting and looking at them. He wished Elizabeth hadn't linked her arm in his when they were coming in. Not yet. He saw a larger group of men near the windows, there were soldiers in there too. He caught a glimpse of red silk visible in the middle of the boots and stockings.

_‘I didn't expect that the whole of Cornwall would be here tonight’_ \- Elizabeth said beside him.

He handed her a cup of brandy and took two for himself. How much he hated that sort of meetings, especially the hypocritical faces and rough manners _. ‘…I hope the music would start soon so we can dance.’_ – Elizabeth was saying and he forced a smile to her and kept drinking. He had said no to Demelza when she told him Hugh Bodrugan had sent an invitation and she understood, _‘I know, I'm just telling you he sent an invitation, I know you wouldn't want to go with the situation like it is.’_ -She had said to him, no protest. Yet, a few hours earlier when Elizabeth told him she wanted to go and he said he didn't think it was a good idea she dismissed him with a simple _‘Come on Ross, don't be grouch.’_ – and had sent for the carriage.

 

* * *

 

_‘We should go upon the terrace for a breath of fresh air.’_ McNeil told Demelza.

Unable to say a word, she just nodded. She tried to carry on with her plan, wanted to tear the image of Ross, arm in arm with Elizabeth out of her mind and focus on McNeil who covered her with his body while they went outside.  The other two red coats followed them closely, but they left them alone once they got outside, after McNeil whispered something to one of them.

She shivered when the cool air touched her skin, McNeil still held her by the waist.

_‘Are you cold, darling? May I fetch you a wrap?’_

_‘I didn’t bring one, for I never have one. And it’s not the cold, I… I…’_ –They were standing at the edge of Sir Hugh’s terrace, McNeil placed both of his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to sooth her.

_‘I know. Were you aware of…’_

_‘Of him and Elizabeth?’_ Demelza interrupted him- _‘Yes. He has betrayed me with her.’_

He could not believe it _. ‘Is he insane?’_ \- McNeil said and suddenly understood her behavior tonight.

_‘So you see, I came here tonight thinking, thinking that I ought to do the same…’_

_‘Most assuredly.’_ If Poldark was so foolish to let his wife wander alone, if she was so freely bestowing her affection, who was he to deny himself a long wanted desire?

_‘But now… now that I’ve seen him…’_

_‘Don’t think of him, he won’t come here.’_ –He was sure of that, he had instructed his friends not let Captain Poldark go near them. – _‘Make him regret it, my angel. Don’t think of him, think instead of me. Ever since I first met you I wanted to kiss you, may I?’_

Everything was torn apart. She had already lost it all. And now everyone knew her husband had finally came back to his senses and had abandoned his wench for a more suitable woman. There was nothing left, not even her honor now. He was so close, his fingers were caressing the skin of her neck. How weird would it be to feel that mustache against her lips. She had often wondered how would it be like to kiss another man… How many casual carnal kisses had Ross given?

Demelza slowly nodded and Malcom McNeil bent to kiss her.

 

* * *

 

_‘Ah! Captain Poldark, you just couldn’t trust us with her care, could you? Ma’am.’_ –Hugh Bodrugan told Ross in greeting and then kissed Elizabeth’s globed hand.

_‘You’re most kind for having us without previous notice Sir Hugh, but it is such a lovely night that it would be a shame to spend it indoors. How is lady Bodrugan?’_ \- Elizabeth said while Ross swigged another glass of brandy and eyed guardely to her.

Hugh Bodrugan told Elizabeth that his stepmother was in the parlour with some other ladies and that surely they would be glad if she went to greet them. So she went off, disentangled from him for the first time since they had arrived at the party. Sir Hugh stayed next to Ross watching her go.

_‘I can not say that I don’t envy you Poldark. Youth, what I’d not give to have your age again. But you should have more care to not pile up the cattle.’_

_‘Your meaning, sir?’_ Ross asked him earnestly because he didn’t understand what he meant. He felt as if his brain wasn’t properly working. Maybe it was heat of the room, or the brandy, but he hadn’t drank that much yet. Mayhap it was this whole situation. Something was off. He felt extremely uncomfortable, he wanted to be home, wanted to be at Nampara.

_‘My meaning? The devil you are son! She said you would stay by the fireplace. It would be sporting to keep to your word.’_

He was about to retort a big “What?!”, but the host saw someone calling him and went away.

It took him a few more moments to hit him. That scarlet color he saw between the men. He knew it. He had picked it himself. It was from a dress he bought for Demelza some years ago… Oh God. No. Demelza was there too. No God, he thought.

She was there when they were announced. Captain and Mistress Poldark. She heard it, she saw them. He wanted to go home. He wanted to go home with Demelza.

He started to search for her among the people. The group where he saw her in the first place had dispersed and she wasn’t there anymore. The redcoats. The soldiers were in the group around her and now they were standing near the door to the terrace. He walked towards them.

He saw his red back first through one of the windows. It was already dark outside but they have placed a few lanterns on the terrace for the guests who wanted to go out. But there was no one there, just them.

He recognized McNeil even when he was facing the other way. He’d got his hands on Demelza’s shoulders. The little lights casted shadows over their bodies but he could see by the movement of her chest that she was breathing hard. His hand was now on her neck. That dress had a fichu but she wasn’t wearing it so McNeil was touching her skin. His skin, it was his. When he bent to kiss her, Demelza looked up.

She looked over his shoulder when McNeil touched her lips with his and saw him. That unmistakable silhouetted trimmed against the window. She couldn’t see his face, he was all shadows, but she knew he could see her too. “Watch me”-she thought- “For once, watch the consequences of your actions.” And she closed her eyes and raised a hand to touch McNeil’s cheek and kiss him. Passionately.

He saw her close her eyes and open her mouth to him. He could have been standing there watching them for seconds or for hours. He didn’t know, for time had stopped existing. When he tried to go where they were, the two redcoats stood in front of him blocking his way. When he went to pass between them they stopped him. He pushed one, the other grabbed him by the coat and dragged him back. Someone was shouting, was it him or them, he couldn’t know. All the people in the room was looking at him now. He saw Elizabeth standing there watching him too, a hand on her chest, troubled. He managed to release from the soldier and went to the door again. He punched the one who meant to stop him again, but he was held back once more. _‘Demelza!’_ – he screamed to the door- _‘Demelza!’_

 

* * *

 

_‘…melza’_ \- Ross murmured, he tossed and turned on the bed. The storm had already broken out outside and he was sweating, the air filled with moisture and despair. But he kept sleeping still. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and apologies for the delay, is that time of the year...  
> Next time is George's turn, so that's going to be a tricky one.


	4. GEORGE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For an instant she looked back at George next to her. His fists were clenched, the look of shock never leaving him. She realized that his world must be crumbling just as hers had been a few years ago..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally here's Chapter 5 of Ross' nightmare. Sorry for the delay, busy times and mostly it was quite hard for me to write a George & Demelza hooking up story, but here it is. Hope you like it, and thanks for all the comments and questions about when this chapter was going to be up.
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Ladymadchan.
> 
> And remember that Ross is dreaming!

Prudie came running into the library, a look of concern on her face. She came in without knocking and instead of shouting what she wanted from the door as she usually did, she approached the desk where Demelza was sitting and whispered near her:

_‘There's a visitor, Miss.’_

Demelza wondered who might it be for Prudie to be so alarmed about it? She opened her mouth to speak but the servant put a finger to her lips for her not to say anything out loud. Without her asking, Prudie kept whispering: _‘Tis Mister George Warleggan. I said to him that I was goin’ t' see if Mistress Demelza was available t’ see him. ‘Ee want me to kick ‘im out?’_

_‘George?’_ Demelza asked, unbelieving what Prudie just told her. _‘Wha’ could he be wanting?’_ She couldn’t imagine. Surely nothing good. _‘Did you tell him Ross is not home?’_

_‘Aye miss, but he said it is you who he wants t’ see.’_

_‘Judas.’_

Demelza struggled to remember when was the last time that George had been in her house. It’s been years… Julia’s Christening was the first thing that came to mind. Probably the only time, when George still thought that he could get the better of Ross… Now that she was thinking about it she didn’t know why Ross had invited him that time in the first place. He already loathed him. She left the letter half written and stood up to follow Prudie to the parlour but then stopped and decided that since the meeting would hardly be a pleasant one, she wouldn’t want for him to be in her home snarking about her family, as she was sure he would be. Certainly her brother Drake would be his victim this time. _‘Tell him to come here, Prudie’._

Unconsciously Demelza ran her hands over her lap, adjusting her skirt and silently gave thanks that she was wearing her good ruddy dress and not her working clothes. She sat behind the desk again and resumed the writing of her letter. She didn’t look up when she heard the steps on the door and waited until Prudie said _‘Mister Warleggan ‘tis here to see ‘ee ma’am.’_

As she raised her eyes, she caught the last glimpse of Prudie’s curtsy and saw her leave. She abandoned a nervous George.  He was obviously distasteful of the servant but was mannerly enough to not say anything.  But he was not such a good pretender to hide his displeasure.

The room was invaded by an awkward silence then. Demelza did not stand up and George remained by the library’s door with his hat under his arm and the riding gloves in his hand. Demelza could see that he was uneasy. But it was more than for being in the house of his enemy.  There was something else in him. He was anxious and unsettled. She wondered if Drake was the matter that he came to discuss after all.

Presently he bowed his head a little and acknowledged her saying _‘Mistress Poldark’_ , just then Demelza motioned him to sit in front of her.

Slowly he went to take the chair offered to him. _‘George. I cannot hide my surprise in seeing you here. To what do I owe the honor?’._ Her tone was respectful but sharp as every time they’ve spoken. George was looking down at his hands which were nervously caressing the edge of his galley.  Silence grew around them once more. Eventually, he left his hat over the desk and his gloves next to it and entwined his fingers near his chest.

_‘I’ve come… I’ve come from Killewarren…’_ he said and moved uncomfortably in the chair.

_‘Did you go to see Miss Enys?’_   Demelza asked when he went silent again. For the love of God she didn’t know what in hell George Warleggan was doing in her house. A social visit was the last that she could expect from him.

_‘No. I went to see Doctor Enys…’_

_‘Ah. I hope you’re well, George… Sure Dwight is able to help with anything you need.’_

The last days in George’s life had been far away from “well”. Ever since that dreadful old lady died, since she told him… A whirlwind of doubts and uncertainty was consuming him.  That she could have trapped him.  That the woman that he adored his whole life betrayed him and lied to him and kept lying. He had to know the truth. But he couldn’t confront Elizabeth. If he did and that old witch was lying to him she wouldn’t forgive him. So he went to Enys, but he couldn’t or didn’t want to help him. Demelza Poldark was his last resource. If it was true, she had to know. On the way from Killewarren to Nampara he made calculations in his mind. An eight months baby. If the pregnancy was full term then the conception must have been around the end of April or the beginning of May. Around the time Bodrugan gave the party, the party Elizabeth didn’t want to go because it was too soon after her husband had died. The very party that Demelza Poldark went to alone without her husband. He remembered her behavior that night, if it was true… if she knew… He had to ask her.

_‘As a matter of fact, he couldn’t. I thought… I thought you could help me… Demelza.’_

Demelza’s mouth dropped as if it was the good old days when she was the kitchen maid. George was looking at her now. He looked vulnerable and in real need of help.  Although she was sure there was nothing she could do to help him if Dwight couldn’t do it himself.

_‘I’m sorry, George, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you if Dwight was unable to help you. Maybe Doctor Choake? Or, I heard you have a doctor from London, Doctor… Behenna I think?’-_  She offered kindly.

George shook his head realizing what she was thinking of his motive for being there. _‘No, you misunderstood. It is not about my health I went to see Enys. No, it is another matter entirely.’_

Demelza was intrigued again, he was watching her intensely now. Like if he pretended for her to understand what he wanted without him saying it.  But she was at lost.

_‘Actually you are the only one who can help me, Demelza.’_

Unless… Dear God, unless he knew…

Panic crossed her face for an instant, but she was not going to acknowledge anything in front of him. If he knew, if he even suspected something, he was capable to do anything.  And the first one he was going to hurt would be Ross. No, she couldn’t say anything to him.

_‘I don’t think so, George. Ross would be here any moment now, I’m sure you don’t want to cross paths with him…’_

_‘I must ask you something first.’_ –he cut her off, and she went quiet. George looked around for the first time since he entered the room. He had never been in that room before. It was clearly a room for business but so much different from his own, full of books and rocks. The walls were not coated, there was no chandelier just a few candles here and there and there were tablecloths and bowls with flowers on every surface. He realized this was much Demelza’s library as it must be Ross’s.  She was the one sitting at the desk after all, with mining books next to her and letters to respond in front. She must know, there was no way that something like this had escaped her notice.

_‘I’ve been told that my son was not an eight months old baby.’_ –he stated and she said nothing. – _‘I wondered if you… if you knew something about it Demelza.’_

Her breathing quickened. She couldn’t hide the rise and fall of her chest.

_‘What could I know about it?’_ –She responded more defensively than she intended.

George kept looking at her, wavering between approaching the subject directly or letting her know about his suspicions subtly. But if it was true, how could she not know?

_‘I think… I think you know what I’m talking about Demelza.’_

Demelza. Demelza. Since when did he call her “Demelza”?

_‘No George. I have no idea what are you talking about and I’m not interested in knowing.’_

_‘The night of the Bodrugan ball. Where was Ross?’_

So he knew.

_‘He was away on business, in Truro if I remember correctly. Now George, I must ask you to leave, I must go to see my children.’_

George didn’t move so she stood up to show him that the meeting was over. He took his hat and gloves and held them for a moment. Then he got up too and walked beside her as she showed him the way to door. But he turned around suddenly and Demelza almost collided with him, he grabbed her for her not to fall, one hand on her upper arm, closer than they’ve ever been before.

_‘Demelza.’_ –he said whispering- _‘You must understand. I don’t know if I have any children of my own to see.’_

He remained close for a second more and then released her and left. And for the first time Demelza felt for George something that she never thought she could feel for him. Pity and compassion.

 

* * *

 

_Mistress Poldark:_

_I must insist, Demelza.  I know that you have no reason to ease my conscience, all the contrary. We both know that my animosity against Ross, and his against me, makes any attempt of favors an unthinkable situation. But then again, I have no one else to turn to but you._

_I’ll ask you to see me. I have to know. I have the right to know._

_I am going to visit Odgers tomorrow afternoon, by five the meeting should be over. I’ll wait for you near his house._

_G.W._

 

* * *

 

Ever since she received that letter Demelza was debating if she should go or not. She had already made up her mind that whatever George said, she wouldn’t tell him anything. As he mentioned, she owed him nothing. She could not imagine what would George do if he found out.  What he would do to Ross? And what would Ross do in return once everything would be out in the open? Even when he didn’t say anything about it, about Valentine, she could see how much he struggled. To re-open that wound again would only bring them sorrow. To all of them. To her and to Ross but also to George and Elizabeth. And to Valentine, what would become of him if George found out? So she decided to go. To go and deny everything. She would lie to him if she needed to, it would be the best for all to continue their lives in peace.

Ross was not at home and she would be back in time to get ready for dinner at Lord Falmouth’s home.

Reverend Odgers’ cottage was close to Sawle Church, just a short walk for him every Sunday. As she approached the shabby little house Demelza saw George’s horse tied under the shade of a large tree. It was not visible from the house, neither from the church. She wondered if George would be waiting for her inside, he didn’t say. She reached the porch of the house, a poorly covered gallery with a wasted wooden floor two steps above the ground. From there she could see over the stone wall, the graveyard and the entrance to the church. She was about to call when she saw George hiding under a willow a few meters away from the house. He didn’t seem to hear her, neither did he turn to speak to her when she stood behind him. He was looking at something over the wall.

_‘Is that your husband’s mare?’_ \- George said with a pointing finger towards a fence at the back of the church.

As a matter of fact, it was Darkie. Ross must have gone to see Aunt Agatha’s grave. This was a terrible idea.

_‘Judas! I must go. Please don’t call for me again George.’_ She meant to leave when she felt a strong hand grab her wrist. She was about to yell him a curse but George put a finger over his mouth. _‘Shhh… Elizabeth is there too.’_

George must have felt her unease because he released her immediately and side glanced her whispering:  _‘I saw her coming in when I was waiting for you at Odgers’. Ross arrived only a few minutes ago.’_

No, there has to be a mistake, she thought. He wouldn’t meet her, not again. Not after all they went through to overcome what had happened. He had promised her she would never come between them again. And then, there was Darkie, and George looked as astonished as surely she must look too. He was very pale, his jaw slightly crooked and his eyes wide open fixed on the entrance of the Church.

She too began to stare in the same direction but couldn’t see anything, if it was true they were there, they were inside. Her mind was racing, making up innocent excuses for them to be together in that place. To talk about Valentine, to see about Aunt Agatha’s grave… to vow eternal love…

_‘Did you know about this?’_ George interrupted her reverie.

_‘No, of course not. And it could be nothing.’_ \- she said still trying to believe in the promises of her husband.- _‘They could have met by chance…’_

As she was speaking they saw movement inside the church. The shadow of two figures crossed behind the glass windows and then Elizabeth stood near the open door, a bouquet of flowers in her hands. She was speaking with someone, but they couldn’t see Ross. 

_‘For how long this has been going on?’_

“For as long as I remember” was the answer in her head, but instead she said that nothing was going on. She wanted to leave but her feet were nailed to the ground, hiding behind that aged wall and protected by the long branches of the willow. For an instant she looked back at George next to her. His fists were clenched, the look of shock never leaving him. She realized that his world must be crumbling just as hers had been a few years ago.  She felt sorry for him again, for him to be oblivious of who he had married.  Her resolve of not telling him was crumbling as well, because he had, as he said, the right to know the truth.

George gasped and Demelza looked back at the church again. Ross was visible now, standing in front of Elizabeth. All she could hear was her own breathing and as Ross took Elizabeth’s face in his hands George took hers in his. Silently they both watched how Ross leaned closer to Elizabeth, how his mouth caressed her forehead then slowly traveled to her cheeks. Demelza unconsciously squeezed George's hand while her husband kissed another other woman lips.

She still couldn’t move, but her head still raced full speed and stopped in a reflection. A memory, a stupid thought that Ross when they’ve got married, in that very same church, had not kissed her.

Elizabeth was the first to go out. She fixed her dress and touched her cheeks when she was out of Ross’ sight and walked in the opposite direction to them, towards Trenwith. Ross came out a moment later and lingered near the cross that signaled Agatha’s last resting place for a few minutes. Then, without looking up, he slowly went to Darkie and was gone too.

Demelza and George remained holding hands in silence. A wound, new for one of them and old for the other bound them together.

_‘Valentine is Ross’ son.’_ was the first thing that came out of her mouth.  Not what she was planning to say, but she had no plans to follow anymore. No one to protect, but her own children. George was not yet looking at her. He raised his head and adjusted his shoulders when he heard her speak those words. It crossed her mind that he would send his bullies to kill Ross, but Judas! She could kill him herself.

_‘How… how can you live with that man?’ -_ he asked with a hoarse voice and Demelza didn’t know what to answer. How? How could he foul her like that again?

_‘That night… the Bodrugan Ball. Ross slept with Elizabeth that week. That’s why I went alone… I wanted, I wanted to do the same to him…’_ she didn’t know why she was saying that to him, not that he cared at all about her. George looked at her, his face still distorted with pain.

_‘Where was he? With Elizabeth?’_

_‘He said he was in Truro.’_ She raised her shoulders disbelieving her own words.

_‘So they’ve been lovers since then?’_ Her breath got caught in her throat and she could not deny it for much as she wanted to.

_‘They have.’_ –he said hatefully and releasing her hand to touch his forehead. ‘ _That… scoundrel. He must have it all! Take it all?!’_ What could he do? The woman who he had wanted all his life, the woman he whimsically waited for and married despise his family advise and despise other more suitable and better-positioned young women, had betrayed him. She had cajoled him and coaxed him to marry her knowing that she carried the bastard of his worst enemy. Well, he would leave her and her two brats to rot in Trenwith and that Poldark provide for them. And him… what could he do to him? His mind went back to the woman standing in front of him.

_‘Did you do it?’_ He asked her.

_‘Did what?’_

_‘The same as him…’_ Demelza sighed exasperatedly.

_‘George.’_ She began with a broken voice _‘Don’t you dare treat me like a harlot when you just saw your own wife…’_

_‘I do not.’_ He interrupted her. _‘What I mean is, did you get your retaliation?’_

Demelza looked at him strangely, aware of his cautious tone and the way he was watching her. _‘No. I couldn’t do it… at the end.’_

George looked down and nodded and said nothing for a while. There was something in him that she was beginning to understand even when he didn’t say it out loud. She hated Ross so much in that moment. But she was not broken, not like she was when it happened the first time. He had made his decision, and she had to make hers. She would steel against him and not let him rule her life anymore. But he could not go unscathed, without a wound like the one she’d gotten.

George placed his hand in hers again, his thumb timidly caressing her skin. For the first time since he’d known her, he saw her for what she was.  He acknowledged her as a strong, young and beautiful woman. Come to this world with nothing, like him. And made herself up despite the circumstances, just like him as well.

_‘I will not hold you responsible for the actions of your reckless husband.’_ He began, given one step closer to her. _‘But I would get him to pay nonetheless. Perhaps, perhaps you still want to get your turn against him.’_

His words floated around them and all he’d got was the slightest nodding of her head. He came even closer, their hands were in the way so he carried his to her elbow and her arms fell to her sides. She was preparing for something she never imagined could happen. Not in her lifetime. George Warleggan was about to kiss her.

_‘GET ONE STEP CLOSER AND I WILL KILL YOU.’_

Ross said near them, his jaw clenched and his fists ready to hit him on the side of his body.

He started to walk towards them with long steps and hatred in his eyes _. ‘How dare you?! What in hell are you doing?!’_. He was next to them before any of them could react.  He grabbed George by the neck through the handkerchief. George stumbled but managed not to fall and held from the collar of Ross’ coat. Demelza tried to stop her husband, pulling with all her strength from his arms, she managed to place herself between them.

_‘Let him go!’_ she screamed at him.

He looked at her wildly and bewildered and yelled at her as well: _‘What the hell are you doing?’_ , while George coughed and tried to recover behind her.

_‘What is this, Demelza?’_

_‘This? What exactly is “this”?!’_

_‘You were kissing him!’_ He kept yelling at her, waving his arms accusingly towards George while trying to get past her. Demelza stood in front of him, moving from one side to the other, her arms also in the air and against his chest to stop him to get to George.

_‘I saw you!’_ She said at last, pushing him and standing her ground.

_‘Saw what?’_

_‘With Elizabeth.’_ And that was enough to make Ross go quiet. Demelza stared at him pursing her lips and began to move her head disappointedly. George was recovered and went to stand at her side.

_‘It is not what you imagine.’_ –Ross said calmer this time.

_‘You are a pitiful excuse for a man…’_ George cursed behind her, but Ross didn’t seem to hear him, his focus now was on Demelza and the way she was looking at him.

She turned around and told George he should leave them alone. He refused to go at first but Demelza whispered to him that they would have their turn later if he wanted to. _‘I’ll wait for you.’_ he said only for her to hear and went away. When she saw him go behind Odgers’ cottage she turned back to face Ross.

She didn’t say anything to him. She just turned her hand slightly and he was at her side in an instant.

_‘Nothing happened. We met by chance in Aunt Agatha’s grave. That’s all.’_

Demelza kept looking at him, no reaction on her face.  He couldn’t see what she was thinking.

_‘And what was this with George? Elizabeth told me that he’s been coldly towards her lately… Is this the reason?! Have you been seeing him?’_

Demelza laughed in disbelieve and moved her head again with disappointment.

_‘You broke your promise, Ross.’_ She said at last. _‘I saw you kissing her. You hold nothing against me.’_ She gave a few steps back and meant to leave him but as she turned he grasped her arm for her to stay.

_‘It was not like that, it isn’t what you imagine.’_ He tried to explain her the inexplicable while they struggled. He finally let her go when she slapped him.

She looked at him a moment more, her eyes full of loathing, and then walked away from him again. In his desolation, Ross managed to ask her where she was going. He heard her say _‘Home. To my children’_ , before she banished behind the Reverend’s house.

When he could move his feet to go after her Demelza was already far off, riding away with George, who had waited for her behind the cottage.

He carried her to Nampara. Neither of them spoke on the way, but as he helped her dismount his horse, George said to her: _‘Demelza, you will be always welcome in Cardew.’_ Then he kissed her hand and ride off.

 

* * *

 

Ross woke up briefly, a fierce storm surrounded him. He twisted the sheets, moved his legs to free his feet from under the covers and stretched his arm in a desperate attempt to find Demelza. But she was not there. He closed his eyes again, his tricky slumber had not yet left him and behind the eyelids he saw was he was looking for. The sun, the sea and the sand. And Demelza.

A green dress. Red hair and Demelza. He could hear her laughing. He focused his eyes to see her better and saw her walking down the beach. Demelza, hand in hand with a tall and slim young man.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearly there. Next chapter shouldn't take that long. Hugh is next and where is Demelza?  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. HUGH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ..."She contemplated the ocean but soon she gave up to his insisting gaze and found him smiling at her, a tender and loving smile that could break bonds that she thought were unbreakable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always keep in mind that this is Ross having a nightmare, but I have to admit that it was a real pleasure to write this chapter...
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful Ladymadchan. Always thank you for taking the time to help me with this <3

Demelza’s feet were buried in the quicksand. The skirt of her dress was lying on the edge of the boat for the sun to dry it. Her bodice was open and she held the lower part of her shift crumpled in one hand for the water not to reach it. Her eyes were closed and she breathed in the fragrant air. She felt the salty wind of the sea on her cheeks burning from the heat of the sun… and something else.

She heard his steps behind her, slowly first but then quickly approaching her.  The splash of the footsteps was getting closer and closer, until he almost crashed with her. For a second she lost her balance, her body staggered as her feet were still cemented by the sand and the water, but she did not fall. A long arm surrounded her waist. He chuckled before kissing her shoulder and then the exposed skin of her neck.

Demelza turned her head to look at him and laughed too.  She dug up her feet from the sand and began to run along the beach. After a quick glance at Hugh, he began to chase after her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Hugh was barefooted, his breeches were rolled up to the knees and with only his shirt on. He ran and jumped and giggled behind her. When he finally decided to get near her she began to splash him with seawater.  She laughed like he’d never heard her laughter before.

She felt so young, so lively and free. There was something about him. He was so open, so romantic, so light-headed. She had never met anyone like him before. He roused a feeling within her, a thrill of joy, a love for the world around her, for the sun on her skin and the cold water beneath her and the gulls flying around them. She couldn’t stop smiling and when she roared with laughter because a splash of water hit his face, he came around her and in his quest of tickle her and her aim to prevent it, they both fell to the wet sand, bottom and legs and feet soaked under a sudden wave of the sea.

_‘Dear life! Now my shift is ruined.’_ \- she said still breathless and trying to get up.

Her wet shift was now a translucent fabric that did nothing to cover her legs. When she managed to stand and was checking her outfit she realized she was not the only one doing it, although she felt that Hugh wasn’t exactly paying attention to her clothes.

He was still sitting on the sand admiring the Aphrodite that stood in front of him. He could see her long legs now, strong and endless, and he shivered when he recalled the feeling of them around his hips merely moments ago.

_‘Don’t look at me like that.’_ She whispered when she realized where he was looking at.

A boyish grin appeared on his face, and he lay down, smearing the white shirt as much as the pants, and put both of his hands under his head.

_‘Why not? Is beauty not meant to be appreciated?... Well, isn’t it?’_ \- he insisted.

_‘Well, yes but…’_

_‘I think your legs are a marvelous sculpture that not even Michelangelo could have carved so perfectly.’_

The complicit gaze that followed the compliment was interrupted by another wave, this time covering Hugh’s lying body almost completely, which brought Demelza into a tremendous burst of laughter.

 

The beach was not large but it was deep. The white sand was surrounded by high cliffs, the only way to getting there was by boat. In one of the ends of the bay there was a sheltered cove with sheer water coming from a subterranean river that found its way to the sea. The cavern was residence to the wild seals that were masters of that ancient place, hidden and away in the coast of Cornwall.  Demelza decided to go to try to wash her shift there, swimming in the ocean would do little to help her clean it. After her laughter transformed into a quiet giggling she began her walk towards there, Hugh was at her side immediately.

  _‘Where are you going now?’_ – He asked while taking her hand.

_‘We’ve to wash our clothes before we go back.’_

While they walk by the deserted beach the water washed over their feet over and over again. Demelza was grateful for it, for her cheeks were still burning, shining red under the sun.   She felt the heat on her face and down her chest and in the hand that was holding Hugh’s.  The cold water was a sweet contrast that kept her steady and grounded for she didn’t want to know why she felt like that.

Ever few steps Hugh turned his head to look at her. At first, she contemplated the ocean but soon she gave up to his insisting gaze and found him smiling at her, a tender and loving smile that could break bonds that she thought were unbreakable. She didn’t know what she had done or if it was she who had squeezed his hand or he who had stood still.  But soon they were face to face and he had stopped smiling and brought his lips near her.  But it was her who closed the distance between their lips.

The kiss was soft and warm and endless.  She could no longer feel the cold water beneath her because all of her body was aflame. It was just after she untangled her arms from his shoulders, when he was caressing her forehead with his mouth. Only then did she realize that she’d never felt this way before.

_‘I wish not to go back.’_

She didn’t reply to his whispered comment. They returned walking to the cave, but this time Demelza leaned her body against Hugh.  He surrounded her shoulders with his arm, hugging her against him.

The cave was large enough for them to find a pond all to themselves. Demelza had left the bodice of the dress next to the skirt on the boat on the way.  She had quickly skipped into the water only in her shift. Hugh had plunged behind her laughing loudly of her sudden onset of shyness when not long ago he had been touching that very same body that she was now trying to hide.

_‘Quiet! You’ll scare them. They scare easy and then they’ll go away.’_ –she said turning to him with the water to her neck though it scarcely reached his waist if she were to stand.

_‘Oh, you mean the seals?’_ -Hugh looked to the deep dark of the cavern.  From the blackness came the hooting cough of the seals mixed with a strange moaning wail. He thought her remarkable. Whether she was an angel in a ballroom surrounded by the entire high society of Cornwall or the siren in this dark cave that was now beside him.  He had never known a woman quite like her.- _‘Ah, yes, we come out to see them. I’ve forgotten.’_ He added cheekily.

_‘Is this the season for the young ones to be born?’_

Thoughtlessly they got close to each other. The water concealing what their hands and arms did under the surface, holding one another. Their legs were tangling and teasing.

_‘Not usually for this kind.’_ Demelza said with a pretend serious face _\- ‘Most seals have their babes now, yes, but these are usually born later… Or that’s what I’ve noticed. I don’t really know much about them.’_

_‘I believe you. If you were to say the moon is green, I would believe you.’_

Their laugh aroused a heavy groan from the darkness and they decided the clothes must be clean enough by now. Hugh helped Demelza out of the pond but when she was secure on the sand again he retreated and went to find a rock under the sun to dry. Demelza felt grateful for the moment of privacy. She was soaking wet and the thin fabric of her shift offered no cover at all for her skin.  Still, Hugh’s eyes had remained on hers, just a gentle hand on her waist to help her get on her feet. And now he was sitting at a prudent distance with his golden hair blowing by the sea breeze and his face towards the sky. 

“Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. Be fair or foul or rain or shine.  
The joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.”

But even Horace felt scanty to Hugh Armitage in that moment. For even the happiness of today and the certain sorrow of tomorrow couldn’t bring peace to his treacherous heart. And he knew that by indulging his desires he would hurt her, if she accepted.  

Presently Demelza went to sit on the rock beside him.  Already the shelter of her green dress on her, though he could see the moist of her shift darkening the fabric above it. She too faced the sun that was deliberately leaving them.  It was the only witness of their day together that now was sneaking away leaving them alone to conclude what it could only end in sorrow.

_‘I’m the unhappiest of men.’_ – he said – _‘The woman I have come to love dearer than life is married to the man whom I owe my life itself. It seemed that I escaped out of battle for now only to be in a strife between my heart and my head. But for me, there’s no doubt which has to be the righteous winner, even when none of the troopers might come through unscathed…’_

_‘Hugh.’ –_ she impatiently pushed back her hair _–‘You should not say such things.’_

_‘I feel I must ma’am, for surely the condemned man must be allowed to speak before his final hour.’_

_‘Condemned?’_

_‘To separation. To loss…’_

Demelza didn’t say a word, but she was looking at him now.  Hugh could see, because he could always see what was inside of her, when something troubled her or when she was pleased with something.  He could see her now battling as well.

_‘Unless, unless my executioner would be so kind and so generous to hear my plea. To consider my request and made of my last will, the reason of my life onwards.’_

_‘Hugh.’_ Demelza began more vigorously than before. _-‘Don’t say it. Please. Don’t. Can we not be happy just in, in being alive? Can you not be content with that?’_

_‘And you? Can you just be content with that? Are we just to be satisfied with surviving instead of living a full life?’_

Demelza stared at him in silence for a while. _‘You’re a poet Hugh. That’s the trouble.’-_ she said finally.

_‘Do you think me isolated of reality?’_ \- he replied with hurt in the voice. _–‘I’ve not been a romantic. I‘ve been in the navy since I was fourteen and I’ve been knocked about and seen a lot of life, much of it sordid. I have seen and known a number of women.  I have no illusions about them. But you… you know, when one has been in prison so long all the world looks fresh minted. One observes it with wonder.   One finds itself filled with a bravery than didn’t exist in him before or at least didn’t need to make use of it.  For before one had the prospect of long years ahead…’_

_‘And now don’t?’_ She asked him.

_‘Yes. But now the prospect of the years ahead, without you, without the touch of your hand or the sound of your voice, of not seeing the light in your eyes, do not appeal to me.’_

Demelza could bear to hear no more.  She stood suddenly and went to stand near the line that separated the wet sand from the dry, careful that the waves did not reach her dress again. She crossed her arms over her chest, tormented by the choice that was now laying in front of her. She tried to think of her husband, of Ross. She tried to remember a time when he had said to her something remotely alike what Hugh had just said to her. To love her, he had said that many times. And she had loved him back. Or was it the other way around?. He reciprocatively loved her. But what if she hadn’t loved him enough? What if she had mistaken fondness for love? He rescued her, and he was her whole world for years.  She had known nothing else and no one else existed, but him. There was no one else to love but him. And this felt so different. This thrill in her that burnt inside.

_‘My father’s family come from Dorset. We have a manor house hidden in the steep small hills near Shaftesbury.  I believe you would like it there.’_ She heard his voice behind her, Demelza hadn’t noticed when he approached.

_‘I’ve never been out of Cornwall.’_ She whispered, more to herself than to Hugh.

The seagulls still whirled like scimitars, silently cutting the afternoon air.

_‘It’s impossible. What you ask… I do not want to be disloyal.’_

_‘You think it is a terrible thing, asking you to be disloyal to Ross.  But is it not more dreadful even to be untrue to yourself? Am I right? I can’t make it any plainer. I’m at your feet. My heart is yours. Do you not feel the same way?’_

Demelza said something under her breath.

_‘What? What did you say?’_

_‘Yes. I do feel the same way. But, but I can’t…’_

Hugh, encouraged by the now certainty of her feelings for him, rammed with the final thrust.

_‘My dear, we live in an uncertain world. At its best, life is short. Tomorrow the French or the Dutch may land, and ravage and kill and burn. Next week the cholera may come in a ship at Padstow or Falmouth or the smallpox may rage and take half of Sawle. Should we not take what is precious now and make the most of it?’_

With that, the last traces of dubiety were extinguished in Demelza. She took his hands, without looking at him she said:

_‘My children.’_

_‘You will not be parted from them, I assure you.’_

_‘But how?  How will I…?’_

_‘It won’t be the first time that this happens. If it’s done in a discreet fashion, it won’t matter terribly much.’_

After a moment of hesitation Demelza finally raised her eyes to him and smiled. It was true.  If she were not to do this she would be being unfaithful to herself. On her tiptoes she reached her lips to his.

 

* * *

 

Ross saw the boat coming from afar, he had been down in Nampara Cove after lunch, when he went to have his meal and found out that Demelza was not there. He went to the beach to see if she had taken the boat. Something made him return home earlier from the mine, hours before sunset. Still, Demelza was not there, Prudie finally told him that she had had a visitor in the morning and together had gone to see the seals. Since then he had been waiting, sometimes inside the cave where they used to keep the boat, sometimes he walked from one side to the other of his beach, he was doing that when he saw them.

First, it was just a little white dot over the blue ocean. Minutes he stood there watching the dot transformed into the shape of a boat, another few minutes and he could distinguish the shape of two people inside, the last traces of the sun playing on the red hair of the woman that was his wife.

Ross approached the boat when it reached the shore.  Hugh was the first one to get off while he stood there a few feet from him watching him dragged the vessel to the coast, then he helped Demelza to get off too. He carried her for a little while so she would not get wet, holding her from her hips, her hands on his shoulders in an intimate gesture. When she was safe in dry sand he put her down and went to drag the boat again. Demelza fixed her dress and went to where he was.

He couldn’t articulate a word. He wanted to say to her “Where have you been?”, he wanted to scream to her “What have you been doing?!”, he wanted to take her by the arm and haul her back to Nampara, lock her up in their room and forbid her to see that lieutenant ever again. But all he managed to do was a slight movement with his head.

_‘I am leaving.’_ –she said when she was in front of him, and because he said nothing, she was forced to continue.

_‘Ross… I’m sorry. I know you’ll hate me, but I think this is best. For all of us.’_

Ross couldn’t realize if he was standing on the beach or if a wave had reached him and now he was in the depths of the sea. He felt drowning. Nothing made sense, Demelza’s hair looked redder than ever, her skin was tanned and her cheeks blushed, but everything around her was blurry. The silhouette behind her was carrying his coat in one hand and the boots on the other, the conclusion was obvious to him.

_‘With him?’_ He heard himself said pointing a finger towards the shape of the lieutenant.

Demelza didn’t turn around to see Hugh but stood looking him in the eye and with a clear voice said _‘Yes.’_

“Dear God. This is a nightmare” –he thought. This was a nightmare.

_‘You can’t just leave. We’re married… we have a family…’_

_‘I’m sorry Ross, I truly am. But this cannot go on. You’re not content in our family, always complaining, always unsatisfied. Always risking it all no matter the consequences and with no concern for my feelings…’_

“This is not happening, Ross.” A strange voice said in his head while Demelza kept talking.

_‘ I… I see now that I was never going to be enough for you, and the reasons why I stayed, I cannot remember them anymore.’_

_‘You love me.’_ He pleaded.

_‘Perhaps…’_

“Wake up Ross.”

_‘…I was mistaken.’_

The shadow of Armitage got to where they were and Demelza linked her arm with his.

A few voices spoke at the same time. Armitage’s said _‘Let’s go, my love.’_ Another one whispered  _‘Wake up.’_ Ross himself turned as they were leaving and said to Demelza _‘No. You love me. You always have.’_ To which Demelza’s voice responded _‘If I ever loved you I do not do so anymore. I love Hugh.’_ And then she left him alone on the beach.

The last voice Ross heard was his own, calling after his wife. _‘Demelza!’_

_‘Demelza!’_

And his own scream woke him up, sitting wide awake in his bed in Nampara, looking at the empty space on his side. _‘Demelza!’_ He called again. 

   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might notice a few lines from WG himself, always thank him for creating this wonderful characters.  
> Kudos and comments are always welcome...  
> Thanks for reading ;)


	6. ROSS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, Ross is finally awake...
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Ladymadchan

_‘Demelza!’_

Ross sat sweating on the edge of the bed.  Outside the window, the downpour fell with such force that it seemed it could fill the sea by itself. With his fingers he was pressing his forehead, the visions of his last dream still fresh in his mind, her voice still echoing around him, “…I love Hugh.” – and the memory of the other men in their life that could have taken her from his side, it made him tremble.

That's how he was when Demelza entered the room, carrying a candle on the verge of extinction in her hand.  She noticed nothing strange. She walked almost asleep; able to go from the children’s room to her bedroom with her eyes closed.

_‘For God’s sake, where the hell have you been?’_ – She heard Ross say.  But she didn’t pay attention to the severity in his voice nor saw the distress showing in his dropped shoulders.

Clumsily she walked to the bed, put the candle on the little table beside her and leaned back on the mattress. Nor less than a second later she had to sit down again to reach for the blankets that were all tangled at her feet. Demelza yawned as she untangled them, and while she did it she whispered that Clowance couldn’t fall asleep because of the wind blowing outside and that she had laid in the cot with her. _‘I must have fallen asleep too.’_

After she finished fighting with the sheets and before lying down again, she went close to Ross and gave him a kiss on his shoulder and a sleepy _‘Goodnight’_ near his ear.

She was sleeping in an instant. Actually, she hadn’t really woken up entirely. She was sleeping uncomfortably in her daughter’s little bed when something had awakened her, some kind of noise that she couldn’t identify and in her sleep she had lit a candle and checked that the children were alright and had gone nearly closed eyes to her bed.

Ross sat on the bed for a moment longer turning to see Demelza, who was already sleeping near him, oblivious to the ghosts that had pursued him throughout the night. He was still in turmoil, relieved that she was there now after all he’d dreamed.  But he was upset that she hadn’t been there to wake him up from his reveries.  Now it also vexed him that she hadn’t noted the state he was in. He waited until the beat of his heart returned to its normal pace before lying down again. But, he didn’t want to sleep and feared those dreadful images chasing him anew.

Demelza woke up completely as soon as Ross rested his head on her shoulder.  His forehead pressed hard against her bone and his hands around her arm in tight embrace. She brought her other hand to his hair and started caressing his scalp, only then she realized the tension in his body, while he sighed under her touch.

_‘Ross? What is it?’_ When Ross didn’t answer she tried to shift her body to his side but she couldn’t, he was surrounding her waist with his arm, keeping her steady against the mattress.  

_‘Ross?... Ross?!’_

But all he did was to move his head under her chin, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

_‘Are you alright?’_ She said worriedly.

He slightly nodded and whispered _‘Bad dream’_ against her skin.

Still, Ross had her trapped under his arm but she wriggled until she managed to release her arm from under his body and hugged him, holding his shoulders while still caressing his head.

_‘What was it about?’_

The only response she’s got was Ross catching both of her legs with one of his. Demelza was almost smiling at how her husband reminded her of her little children.  Just a few hours ago Clowance had clenched her two chubby arms to her neck and her leg around her waist for her not to let her sleep alone in such a raging night. As with Clowance, Demelza applied the same technique with her husband and kept soothing him until she felt him relax under her touch.

_‘You know, they say that the best thing to do when you have a nightmare is to talk about it so it won’t come true.’_ \- Demelza used the same tone that she used with her children when they had a bad dream and, as it did with them, it had the same result with Ross.

_‘It was about you.’_ –he said hoarsely.

_‘About me?  What was I doing?’_ – she asked intrigued.

_‘Oh God, Demelza. Everything was so real, it felt so real… you… you left me for these men…’_

_‘”Men”?’_

_‘Yes. It was not just one dream, but you were in all of them. With Francis, yes, the first was with Francis. You were a child still, and you fell in love with him, before we… before us. He took you away from me…’_

_‘Took me away?’_ – Demelza purposely moved then, she wanted to see his face, look into his eyes. He sounded so affected and disquiet.

_‘Yes.’_ He said resting his head on Demelza’s pillow but not breaking the connection between their bodies _. ‘You two seemed so cheerful and fun…’_

_‘Ross… ‘twas just a dream. Francis and I’d never been too close until the end.’_

Ross settled himself better in bed, still hugging Demelza close to him, curious about what she had said.

_‘The end?’_

_‘Yes. You know Francis did not like me when I was young, when we first wed. It took years for him to like me…’_

_‘Did he tell you that he liked you?’_

Demelza remembered the last conversation she had had with Francis, just before the tragedy struck a blow that carried terrible repercussions for all the people around him. “I could love you myself” - Was that what he had said? She’d never thought about it again, and even less had she told Ross about it. _‘Well, yes.’_ She said uncomfortably. Ross’ anxious look urged her to go on against her will – _‘I’ve never told you, in fact I have forgotten all about it until now, and it was nothing really. Before he died, that day, just before he went down the mine we had a conversation. He was content with his life, I think, like he had never been ‘til then. He was at ease with himself. And he comforted me in a moment I was not too well, not too sure of myself and my place in our lives.’_

Ross remained quiet. He could image why she was distressed those days, the time when Francis died, they were not at their best, and the situation did not improve later. _‘What did he say to you?’_

_‘That I should think better of me, that I was important for our family and that he could understand why you married me, because he could have loved me as well…’_ Demelza waited for Ross to say something, but he just nodded and pursed his lips.

Demelza's eyes were closing again. What she had just told him it was not what he expected to hear. She had said once how she admired Francis and the sum of her words plus his dream and that memory made him shiver.

_‘You never told me…’_ he whispered again.

_‘’Twas long ago, Ross. It was a hard time for everyone and it meant nothing.’_

Ross was not so sure if it meant so little as she said. After all, the other things Francis had told her were true. He wondered if his cousin had lived, wouldn’t he had tried to take Demelza away from him… he had done it once before.

_‘Your cousin loved you.’_ She said like she could read his mind, her eyes wide open. – _‘Who else?’_

_‘What?’_

_‘You said “men”.’_

_‘Oh… Dwight.’_ \- and he realized how ridiculous it sounded.

_‘Dwight?!’_ She chuckled. _‘Pfff… I can see why you might imagine something like that with Francis, but Dwight?’_

_‘Is not like I was imagining, I was dreaming.’_ –he said offended – _‘And if my cousin did say something, and you will excuse me Demelza but that was not “nothing”, that was “something”, and a big deal, then why would Dwight be exempt of suspicion?’_

_‘Because he is our friend! He is your best friend.  He’s married and he is in love with his wife and he has delivered children from me, Ross!’_ \- she couldn’t stop giggling. The idea of her and Dwight sounded preposterous.-   _‘How? How did it happen in your dream? Because I honestly cannot think of any way Dwight and I could have been together…’_

_‘Can you not? Think, think if we did not happen. Who was the obvious choice for you? He was here.  He would have been your friend. He esteemed and respected you. God, now that I think about it half of what comes out of his mouth is a praise for you, and you two spend much time together…’_

Demelza had started shaking her head the moment he began answering her question. _‘He praises you.’_ –she cut him off. – _‘He commends you, because you were brave enough to marry me. He would have never even looked at your kitchen maid, just look who he is married to.’_

_‘Don’t try to fool me.  I know you don’t think that little of Dwight. And besides, remember Keren? She was way below your station and look at what happened. So yes, he would have been capable of falling for you if you were not married to me.’_

_‘But I was married to you, Ross.’_ – She said matter of factly. _‘You will not get annoyed with him, will you? Ross?! That wasn’t real, it was all in your head.  None of this ever happened.’_

Ross moved his hand around her waist and laid on his back.  Demelza went to rest her chin on his chest with the palm of her hand resting on his flat abdomen.

_‘McNeil did happen.’_ – He said after considering how he would approach the next man on the list of suitors that haunted his dream. She was right about Dwight.  He would have never even thought of such a thing.  He was his friend, as she said, and he had always known Demelza as his wife. Francis, there was no point in thinking about him now. Could he imagine his cousin falling for Demelza? Yes, he could. But that was the problem.  He could imagine any men falling for her, why wouldn’t they? She was beautiful to look at. She was gentle and kind and generous.  She always saw the best in people. Judas! God knows what she had seen in him! And he knew there have been other men in her life.  He might have been the first but he was not the only one. That constriction in his chest reappeared just as he had felt it in his dream when he thought of other arms holding his wife.

_‘Ross… Did you dream about him too?’_ \- She whispered against his chest. – _‘What did you dream?’_

Demelza moved her head and looked at him from under her lashes when he didn’t answer right away. Ross didn’t want to give away many details about this particular dream, about him and Elizabeth and the ball…

_‘You never told me what happened in that party…’_

_‘We were at the party?’_

He nodded.

Demelza didn’t say anything for a while, waiting for him to tell her about his dream with Malcom McNeil.  Ross also remained quiet, waiting for her to give him some sort of explanation about that night. Suddenly he wanted to know, needed to know everything that any other man might have told her, know how it had happened, where had he touch her. It was bad enough in his nightmare but in reality it was worst.  And he knew that two men had been close to her, had touched her and kissed her. They would get to Hugh later, but now he wanted to know about McNeil.

She put her head on the pillow again and they were face to face once more. He squeezed her lower back and looked at her intensely, urging her to speak.

_‘I told you what happened that night.’_ – She felt forced to say.

_‘You told me little.’_

_‘And that was enough. There’s not much more to say Ross, I thought we agreed to put all that time behind us.’_

_‘Yes, just… I’m…’_

_‘What?’_

_‘Curious.’_

Demelza sighed. She didn’t want to bring them back to that time in their life. If she was hurt by what Ross had done then McNeil was another scar that she had done to herself.  If Ross started to question what had happened the night of Bodrugan’s ball and got cross, then she knew she would start to reproach him about his night with Elizabeth too.  And that was the last thing that she wanted to talk about in the middle of the night.

_‘Did he kiss you?’_ – She heard him ask.

Unsteady, she answered _‘Yes’_ , to which he replied _‘How many times?’_ , and she cursed him on the inside.

Fortunately, their conversation was interrupted by a loud thunder that resonated throughout the house and made the walls tremble. It was followed by the cry of a child and the quick, short steps of Clowance's little feet running down the hall. She was in her parents’ room before any of them could even sit to see what was happening, squealing _‘Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!’_

Their young daughter climbed to the foot of the bed and from there she jumped, crushing her father and landed in the middle of the two, hugging and seeking for her mother’s shelter. Jeremy followed her, calmer and scratching his eyes and also went to lay on the edge of the bed next to his mother. Soon after, Garrick was there too but he didn’t dare to climb the bed and he settled near the fireplace.

While Demelza was soothing Clowance another noise shook the house and the child screamed again from under her mother’s arms. Ross saw Jeremy poke his head behind Demelza to watch his sister with a recriminating look for making so much fuss and Demelza began laughing.

_‘Tis nothing my lover, only a storm.’_ \- She said covering the child with the blankets, to which Ross, seeing himself displaced from the side of his wife, protested: _‘No Clowance, you must go back to your bed.’_

_‘No, I want mama.’_

_‘I want mama too.’_ – Ross said. And Clowance squeezed against her mother even more.

_‘Mama is mine!’_

_‘No, mama is mine. I was here first.’_

_‘Ross…’_ – Demelza scolded him but Ross had already half a smile on his face.

_‘Clowance,’_ \- he continued teasing his daughter. – _‘go to your room, mama is only mine.’_

While Demelza said an earful _‘Ross!’_ again, the little girl turned around in her mother’s arms and smashed her father’s cheek with her little hand _‘No!’_

_‘Shhh… Clowance! Nice girls don’t do that… Ross don’t behave like you’re child, Judas!’_ – Ross pretended to pout - _‘Look, you made dada cry.’_ Demelza said to Clowance while Ross kept faking to be hurt by hiding his face in the pillow.

_‘He is mean!’_ – protested the child.

_‘No he’s not, he’s just a little silly. Come my love, say sorry to your father and ask him nicely if you can sleep here, maybe he’ll let you.’_

Clowance had the eyes of her father and the same brooding look when she was discontented.  Reluctantly she came close to Ross and said she was sorry. Ross accepted her apologies with the condition of a kiss which she gave on his cheek.

_‘Can I stay here, dada?’_

By the voice she used Demelza knew it was impossible for Ross to refuse. She feared that Clowance would get anything she wanted from Ross talking to him like that when she grew up.

_‘Alright. I will share mama with you tonight, but ONLY for tonight, do you understand?’_

The girl nodded and went back to her mother’s embrace but she stretched an arm and placed it around her father’s neck.

_‘Can we go back to sleep now?’_ – They heard Jeremy’s voice behind Demelza. She rolled her eyes to Ross, annoyed with him for all that hassle with Clowance and laid flat on the bed so she could bring her boy against her too.

The fears of Ross’ dreams disappeared in that moment, seeing her surrounded by her family, Jeremy in one arm, Clowance in the other, Garrick on the foot of the bed.  She looked at him and smiled sweetly and raised her hands from below their children, an understood apology that she didn’t have another arm for him so he surrounded the three of them in an embrace and reached to her lips above Clowance head and gave her a quick kiss, to which Clowance followed with a kiss of her own in her cheek.  Soon the three of them were kissing her at the same time.

_‘Love you mummy’_ \- the children said and Ross as well before they fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly dawn.  Demelza could see the first lights of the day outside the window, the rain seemed to have stopped but the sky still looked cloudy.  She woke up because a little foot was pushing against her hip and was about to throw her out of bed. Clowance slept horizontally between her and Ross, her head resting on her father arm hugging him, her legs stretched towards her. She immediately looked for Jeremy, but the child had moved down the bed and was now sleeping with his head near her feet next to Garrick, who had climbed to bed too. She remained still observing her family, her dog, her first friend, Ross, the center of her life around whom everything revolved, and her beloved son and daughter. It never crossed her mind that she could possibly have chosen another path… Her gaze drifted to Ross, peacefully sleeping with a hand above Clowance stretched in the mattress towards her, and Demelza thought about what he told her before the children came in about his nightmare. She could see that she would have been scared herself after such dreams, yet, a vicious part in her felt enlivened that Ross was so shaken by the mere image of her with another man.

After another kick from Clowance that landed near her stomach she decided to go and try to get some more sleep in the children’s room. She made herself comfortable in Jeremy’s cot and was about to drift off to sleep again when she felt the arms of her husband lifting the blankets and nuzzling her neck with his cold nose behind her.

_‘Did you think you would get rid of me?’_

_‘No! I thought I could get some sleep. I haven’t been able to rest much this night, first with Clowance and the storm, and then with my husband and his nightmares…’_

Ross tightened his arm around her waist, his hand intertwined with hers on her chest.

_‘I’ve not finished telling you about it.’_

_‘Really? There’s more?’_ – Ross nodded against the hollow of her neck.

_‘Are you surprised? Honestly, you’re missing the best part.’_

He felt her shuddered in his arms. He was not remotely as upset as he had been a couple of hours ago, how could he? After falling asleep surrounded by the children, after seeing her being the center of his family, of the love that emanated from her to all of them. He felt proud that he had built that family with her, tremendously fortunate that she had crossed his path and knew, knew that having met each other, there was no way that they could have not ended up together. Even if she hadn’t given herself to him, he would have challenged anyone, Francis, Dwight, he knew she would have never chosen them over him.  McNeil, that was all his own fault.  George, was only in a nightmare.  But Hugh, Hugh was the only one who captured her heart.  Even if it was for a brief moment and even when he knew that was over, he needed to know.

_‘Stop wriggling. You seem nervous.’_

_‘I’m not nervous, just… I know what you’re going to say, and we’ve been through this.  It is in the past and there’s no point in bringing it back now, Ross.’_

She had turn around on the little bed and he took advantage of her closeness to plant a kiss on her cheek. _‘Don’t you want to know what I dreamt?’_

_‘No, I don’t. Whatever it is it was a dream, it was not real.’_

_‘Hugh Armitage was real enough.’_

She looked at him but said nothing and he brushed her lips with his but she didn’t kiss him back. _‘I just want to know…’_ \- he breathed against her mouth.

She sighed exasperated and looked away from him while he traced circles with his thumb through her shift on her belly. He thought she was not going to tell him anything more and would go back to sleep but after a few minutes she asked him what he wanted to know.

_‘Did you… did you enjoy it?’_

_‘Ross…’_

_‘In my dream, you were so happy with him… you were so young and he was too, so free spirited and romantic. He gave you something that I could not…’_

_‘You can… you do.’_ – she interrupted – _‘Ross, do you think that romance is only poems and sketches and laughter? It is not, not for me. Are you asking if I enjoyed having intercourse with him? Is that it? If you must know then yes, I suppose so. But it was not, not even close in comparison to what you and I share. I didn’t feel happy or free when I was with him, it was mostly sadness and… and… and heartache. And he gave me nothing that you can’t give me, that is when you’re not saying foolish things like right now.  But for the rest of the time I love how you are and the way you’re with me and when we are together. And I’m not so young anymore and would like to get some sleep now, if you don’t mind, before those children of yours rise and we have them on top of us again.’_

At some point Demelza had started talking rapidly and when she finished she had turned her face from him and into the pillow and left him speechless and startled by her outburst. He wanted to laugh at her, but he had learned better than to mock her when she was in one of her moods. He slowly placed himself behind her, his hand on her hip and buried his face in her soft hair.

_‘Don’t be mad at me, love.’_ – he murmured against her head.

_‘Then stop with these follies’_ – she said still upset.

_‘I will… I thought you should be used to them by now.’_ He couldn’t resist the tease.

A moment later she twisted, placing a soft kiss on his chest and resting her head on him. _‘I am. Hope you can forgive mine too.’_

_‘They’re long forgiven, my love. Sorry to prevent your rest with my jealousy… Try to get some sleep now.’_

Demelza purred against him, clinging to him in the tiny bed. _‘You should be jealous of nobody’_ \- half she said, half she yawned, and they both drifted to sleep, his nightmare forgotten.

           

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! It might be an update for this story in the future, after we know MA...


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